San Francisco

I took a week off during our time in Kona, to fly out to San Francisco to see old friends and scope the Bay Area out as a possible place to settle and the experience was a profound one for me in so many ways.

It was significantly, the very first time ever, that I have been away from Sophia and Sage for longer than a weekend. It was also the first time I was away from them and Brian for longer than a few hours, in about 3 months. When I think about that, it blows my mind. Basically it means, I have been on-call 24 hours a day intensely for the last 3 months and on-and-off for the last ten years. Of course I had six hour breaks while they were in school, but that never seems to last for any length of time, because before we know it, we're back homeschooling again!

Imagine trying to find an employee for such a job description: "Must be able to focus on the needs of clients for back-to-back 12 hour shifts, seven days/week, includes weekends, must cook, clean, do laundry and read stories. Counselling skills and negotiating abilities essential. Occasional first-aid." Good luck trying to find any takers!

Although we chose to homeschool while we were on our extended travels in 2005 and also while we were in Brisbane, this last three month stint wasn't by choice. When we enrolled, we had no idea that the Montessori school was on its way to bankruptcy. It was a truly devastating day when they announced that the school was closing at the end of the week. The children had never been so happy and so settled. Sage had made great leaps in his reading and writing and Sophia was improving too. They had both made great friends and I had finally found parents with whom I had a real connection with, who had become our friends.


When the Montessori school closed, I couldn't bear to start searching for another school. The local schools didn't impress me at all and I had no desire to start a full-fledged school search. We had only 10 weeks before we were scheduled to fly to Hawaii, so it made sense to homeschool them until we got back.

I'm glad I did it that way.

San Francisco gave me the time out I needed to get a whole new perspective on things, so now that we're back, I feel really motivated to make a big difference in our life and we are well placed to make a big change, having no commitments to anything at this time.

Here's what's important to me right now:

1 For the children to be happy in a supportive, positive school environment.
2 For Brian to be happy in work he enjoys.
3 For me to be actively involved in a community project, preferably as a paid personnel, as well as studying to further my skills set and surrounded by creative, like-minded people.
For us to be living in an interesting, inspiring and beautiful community.

I cannot homeschool any longer. I need to be around people, other than my children, doing creative, inspiring work, not just house-work.

So the other profound aspect to my time in San Francisco, was getting to know my friend even more closely. It saddened me to hear things about her childhood that she had never revealed. It was sad, because I felt that I probably wasn't much of a source of comfort to her, although she says I offered a sense of stability. I wish I could have played more of an active role when we were younger, of supporting her.

If I could roll back time, I would have offered for her to come and stay with my family on weekends, I would have asked her more about her family. I would have asked her if she needed rides or money, or help in any way.

Forgive me, Kim. I know I was an ignorant, selfish prat!

The other profound experience that came from being by myself for a week, was remembering who I am, when I am not a mum or a wife.

I'd forgotten that I'm a relatively interesting person, with diverse interests, a silly sense of humour and a penchant for doing something weird every now and then. I also remembered why I was most happy homeschooling whilst traveling around the world-I love learning new things every day about different places and people. Suburban life and household concerns bore me shitless. That's a pretty awful conclusion to come to, when you realise you've been the perfect fifties housewife for the last ten years!

Well, somehow I have to use this brain of mine, to work out how I can achieve all three needs as listed above, simultaneously and equally.

Hmm, think, think, think.