Living in the grey

"My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then becomes a lie. I don't think that Jesus was teaching Christianity, Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be Christian, be Christ-like. Don't be Buddhist, be Buddha-like." Wayne Dyer

Having been raised a Catholic, I understand the attraction of being a member of a religious group. It can feel good to belong. To share many of the same beliefs amongst a group of people from whom you receive support in times of difficulty and with whom you share the joys of experiencing a spiritual connection, can have a powerful pull on a person. Where else outside of a family network do most people receive such support? There are few places. Suburbs are generally full of busy people who don't know one another. The breakdown of families means support often doesn't even come from within this framework. Who gives spiritual guidance outside of the priesthood? Few others. Even life guidance which was once the role of priests, is now something only available to those who can afford a therapist or counsellor.

Having left organised religion, I also understand the need to seek to have this support replaced by a group. I have also experienced the frustration that comes from realising that although the group may not be religious, it can still act in very religious ways, regardless of the purpose they may start out with.

I have been a member of home-birth support groups, women's support groups and homeschooling support groups and hung around the edges of New Age groups like Steiner Schools and Network Chiropractic Centres and the underlying dynamic from which these groups all operated, was one of support within the boundaries of the common aim, whatever the group identified itself as having.

Now the way these groups displayed their religiousness, was in not extending the support that full-fledged card carrying members enjoyed, to those who showed some kind of dissent. It was a kind of mini-dictatorship, I suppose. Conform, or get out. The same approach exists within religions and I think no organised religion is free of this.

I went to a Buddhist retreat once, where the Geshi was answering questions after his talk on an aspect of Buddhist teachings. He was asked if he supported non-Buddhist beliefs and practices, including Reiki and other New Age stuff.

His answer was "I am a Buddhist, so I am not going to promote teachings or beliefs which do not fall into my own tradition."

From that point on, it occurred to me that blinkered thinking is not restricted to Christian religions. So, with that realization, I knew that if I was to continue to pursue a spiritual life, it was going to have to be on my own, sans support group.

I suppose the beauty of this way of being, is that I can borrow and steal from all kinds of traditions if it seems appropriate, but the downside is that there is no guru, no lama, no priest to give me words of encouragement, no group to sing gospel with, no one to say "Have faith that you are definitely on track with where you are steering your life."

It can be bewildering,lonely and exhausting, this living in the grey. Add to this the fact that neither my extended family nor husband share my desire to live a spiritual life and it can be doubly lonely and exhausting.

I think I must have some of that pioneer spirit that my ancestors brought over from Europe to Australia with them, because pursuing a spiritual life as a single individual, with no religion, is like hopping in a boat which you know is going somewhere, but you have no idea where to, or how the journey will proceed.