Living in the grey

"My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then becomes a lie. I don't think that Jesus was teaching Christianity, Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be Christian, be Christ-like. Don't be Buddhist, be Buddha-like." Wayne Dyer

Having been raised a Catholic, I understand the attraction of being a member of a religious group. It can feel good to belong. To share many of the same beliefs amongst a group of people from whom you receive support in times of difficulty and with whom you share the joys of experiencing a spiritual connection, can have a powerful pull on a person. Where else outside of a family network do most people receive such support? There are few places. Suburbs are generally full of busy people who don't know one another. The breakdown of families means support often doesn't even come from within this framework. Who gives spiritual guidance outside of the priesthood? Few others. Even life guidance which was once the role of priests, is now something only available to those who can afford a therapist or counsellor.

Having left organised religion, I also understand the need to seek to have this support replaced by a group. I have also experienced the frustration that comes from realising that although the group may not be religious, it can still act in very religious ways, regardless of the purpose they may start out with.

I have been a member of home-birth support groups, women's support groups and homeschooling support groups and hung around the edges of New Age groups like Steiner Schools and Network Chiropractic Centres and the underlying dynamic from which these groups all operated, was one of support within the boundaries of the common aim, whatever the group identified itself as having.

Now the way these groups displayed their religiousness, was in not extending the support that full-fledged card carrying members enjoyed, to those who showed some kind of dissent. It was a kind of mini-dictatorship, I suppose. Conform, or get out. The same approach exists within religions and I think no organised religion is free of this.

I went to a Buddhist retreat once, where the Geshi was answering questions after his talk on an aspect of Buddhist teachings. He was asked if he supported non-Buddhist beliefs and practices, including Reiki and other New Age stuff.

His answer was "I am a Buddhist, so I am not going to promote teachings or beliefs which do not fall into my own tradition."

From that point on, it occurred to me that blinkered thinking is not restricted to Christian religions. So, with that realization, I knew that if I was to continue to pursue a spiritual life, it was going to have to be on my own, sans support group.

I suppose the beauty of this way of being, is that I can borrow and steal from all kinds of traditions if it seems appropriate, but the downside is that there is no guru, no lama, no priest to give me words of encouragement, no group to sing gospel with, no one to say "Have faith that you are definitely on track with where you are steering your life."

It can be bewildering,lonely and exhausting, this living in the grey. Add to this the fact that neither my extended family nor husband share my desire to live a spiritual life and it can be doubly lonely and exhausting.

I think I must have some of that pioneer spirit that my ancestors brought over from Europe to Australia with them, because pursuing a spiritual life as a single individual, with no religion, is like hopping in a boat which you know is going somewhere, but you have no idea where to, or how the journey will proceed.

The Sacred

I was listening to some music by the Hawaiian singer, Teresa Bright a while ago, with my arms in dishwater, washing the cups and plates. I think any kind of water, even sudsy dishwater, can help the creativity and inspiration flow, because it's usually while I'm washing dishes, or having a long soak in the bath, that I get my best flashes of inspiration.

I must have been channeling a Polynesian spirit, because as I listened to the music, the word 'tupu' popped into my head very clearly. When I finished the dishes, I went on the internet and looked it up, to discover that it's the name of an island in the island chain of Tuvalu, which is slowly becoming inundated by the tides, with rising sea levels.

I discovered that our Government is doing nothing to help these people, but rather it has been the New Zealand government who has offered to house them, once they are forced to leave their island home. Our government prefers to dump people on small Pacific islands, not rescue them!

My interest was really sparked then, about this word, so I called my sister, whose boyfriend told me that 'tupu' in Maori means sacred.

Not knowing what I could do with this little piece of information, I didn't put much more thought into it, but just lately I've been thinking a lot about the nature of the sacred and how important it is to me.

The Japanese approach to the sacred has had the most profound affect on my life and I was reminded of this recently, looking at photos of Nicole's family and Margot's recent holiday to Hakone.

When you visit a mountain temple or a temple next to a lake or river in Japan, the temple is more than a scenic place where you can go to pray or take snapshots, if you're a tourist. It is there as a reminder that whatever natural feature it has been built beside, is sacred, is the temple itself, so to speak, or in other words, a marker for the God with which they wish to connect, when they pray there.

Likewise, whenever you see the folded paper prayers attached to ropes strung around natural features like massive hundred year old trees, it's a reminder of the sacredness of that place, that God resides there.

I love the reverence for nature that exists at the heart of Japanese culture. You could argue that this reverence does not transpire to the way most Japanese live, considering the way they are jammed into high rise apartments in some of the most populated cities in the world. In each of these homes, however, for the most part, even the most pokey little apartment will have a small reminder of the beauty of nature, whether it be a flower arrangement in their genkan or a beautiful scroll somewhere set aside from the household clutter.

It is not just that I also have a great love of nature, which makes me feel an affinity with Japanese culture. It is a Buddhist idea that when we admire beauty, we are actually feeling the beauty that comes from within and that everything we perceive on the outside is a reflection of the inside. I now accept that an appreciation of the great beauty of nature puts me in touch with the great beauty that exists at my core and thus I am reminded of my own sacredness.

It was traveling to Japan which first made me aware of this, even though I have had many experiences here in Australia, which left me in awe of the beauty I was witnessing. The difference, is that we don't have temples at sites of great natural beauty. We don't have shrines celebrating that beauty or the sacredness of that particular place. We have scenic look-outs where you can take a great photo and people rarely talk about nature as something sacred. It feels that for the general populace, a whole dimension of the appreciation of nature is lost, as is the spiritual lesson, of connecting that beauty with oneself, yet it is there waiting to be experienced.

We have incredible beauty here in Australia.

It is here to be enjoyed and to teach us things about ourself, if only we have our minds open to learn.

A favourite place of mine is Fingal Heads, just over the border of Queensland, in northern N.S.W. The headland is made of volcanic hexagonal columns which have weathered time and the elements, so that they are smooth and shiny, jutting out of the sandy shoreline like black ocean sentinels.

Years ago, admiring them for their age and endurance to the elements, I felt in awe at how it felt like they have been at that place forever. I was telling a spiritual friend of mine about this awe and she said to me, "You're no different. You've been here forever too." I realise that it's true. In one form or another, even if you don't believe in life after death, or in reincarnation, we have existed and will exist forever too. As Carl Sagan says, "We're all made of star stuff."

Star stuff is sacred too, don't you think?

Fee help is great for a career change.

When I think about how expensive a degree can be in countries like the U.S., costing tens of thousands of dollars or more, I'm grateful to my socialist government, to be able to access education much more easily than that.

My University degree cost me nothing until 1989, when full fees were introduced. To help students bear the cost, our government provided a loan scheme through HECS, where the student was required to pay back the fees after they began earning beyond a specified income threshold.

As a new teacher, my wages never made it above this threshold and because I then moved to Japan and the U.S. for work (still never earning above the threshold), my loan just sat there over the years, pretty much remaining stable, because it doesn't have any interest attached to it.

During my first year out of college, I knew pretty much straight away, that I didn't want to be a high school teacher for long. I know I chose it because I didn't know what else to do with my Japanese and lacked the confidence to go to Japan and get some life experience, or do some other kind of work at an entry level. It was a safe option!

I eventually got the courage to go to Japan, but after teaching English there for a year, I knew I didn't want to do that forever either and I was grateful to get the job at the Nikko Hotel to do something totally different for a change. The job's challenges involved improving my Japanese language skills to do my job more effectively, but the tasks themselves, were not all that challenging. Anyone who's worked at a concierge desk knows that a lot of the job is sitting around waiting for the phone to ring or a guest to make some kind of request.

While I was pregnant with Sophia in Los Angeles, teaching English at GEOS language school suited me in terms of being a pleasant atmosphere with lovely students and teachers, so I was happy to be doing that work at that time. It was a low-stress environment, which I think is really essential for the health and well-being of a pregnant woman.

Coming back to Australia, it has suited me well to be teaching part-time at various language schools on the Gold Coast, to fit in with Soph and Sage's school hours. It was also a good experience to teach at the Gold Coast Montessori School, to get a feel for teaching children of Primary School age.

I'm now at the point where I know that teaching is not what I want to continue doing, just because I can do it, or because it's convenient.

So last week, I investigated a natural therapies college here in Brisbane and found out to my utter amazement, that even as a part-time student, my wonderful socialist government, will allow me to study, paying nothing up-front and not obliging me to pay anything back until I earn the threshold income of $40, 000. This will be possible for me to do, even with my previous debt as yet unpaid. WOOO HOOOO. Free Education!!! (well at least until I get earning some decent money).

I am so excited!

So I'm going to enrol in the Bachelor of Health Science (acupuncture) course, starting on February 23, that's just over two weeks away!

I'll do two days a week, which will be two subjects.

Here it is! My chance for a career change! My chance to change my life! My chance to get out in the world beyond the home and child-care!

Wish me luck!