Puppy Landia

It's been a while since I had to care for a newborn or toddler, so maybe I don't remember that time of my life clearly any more, like it truly was. I wonder about my failing memory, because my current experience of raising a puppy reminds me in many ways of that early time in my children's life, but feels much, much worse. How could a small puppy be worse than raising kids, I wonder? My memory is that babies sleep a lot. They don't have razor-like teeth that destroy everything. They don't need a constant supply of new chewable objects to stop them from destroying everything. They pee and poo in diapers, minimising clean-up effort. They are completely portable in most situations (except workplaces) and can be taken most places, without too much trouble. Breastfeeding a baby releases lots of bonding endorphins, which helps to build loving feelings for the baby, within the mother. This chemical bond can help to relieve the stress caused by having a totally dependent creature taking total control over your life. Sometimes it's not enough though and I'll be the first to admit that I suffered mild to moderate post natal depression, at various times. What nobody told me before buying a puppy however, is that the experience of having a destructive, completely dependent and very demanding creature in one's care, can induce a sudden and horrendous post natal-like experience, that is not relieved by the wonderful chemical endorphins that come post-childbirth and can leave a woman feeling absolutely devastated. Last week, I told everyone it would have been easier to have had another baby. Last week I yelled at the dog, called it a shit of a dog, told it I never really wanted it, that I only gave in to pressure from my daughter to buy it. Last week I told myself that it was my husband and mother-in-law's fault for making me feel guilty for never wanting a dog. I told myself that frequent comments in favour of dogs always make me feel like I am somehow deficient, that I don't have enough room in my heart for a dog. That I am a lacking parent for not wanting a dog. As you can imagine, it's been a torturous, emotionally draining time. I think mostly, I am angry. I am angry that no one would listen to my pleas of "But who will care for the puppy while everyone's at school/work?". I am angry with myself for not really thinking this through. I applied for a job a few weeks ago, before we got the puppy. I am going for an interview soon and I think I have a good chance of getting the job. I am hoping that the dog will have developed enough bladder control to last for the five hours a day that I will be absent for this job, otherwise it will be sitting in pee all day, in its crate. I'm also hoping that the RSPCA is correct in asserting that a puppy feels comfortable and safe in a crate for several hours and that the experience won't turn it into an even more psychotic and destructive creature than it already is.