It's Getting Better All the Time

We finally left Grandma's house on October 27 last year. We were actually kicked out by my uncles and aunts. We were only supposed to stay for a short term until we found somewhere else, but when we didn't have a clue about where that somewhere else might be, we took comfort in the situation of having a home at Grandma's. The family saw it differently. We were proving to be free-loading scumbags. It all ended rather badly.

Fortunately, we worked out where to go next. Brian got a job in Canberra. We stayed at my parent's until the kids finished school in December. It was a lovely time spent with my folks. Brian was working in Canberra three days a week and coming back to Brisbane for the rest of the week. I got to hang out with my parents while he was gone and we talked and talked about the past and about Grandma and Pop's deaths and all the troubles we'd experienced with the family that year. It was a good bonding experience. They were so happy to have us there. My dad said to me at the beginning, "This is the first time you've come home to stay since you ran away from us".

It's true. I did run away. I was 21 and although I hadn't finished college yet, I knew I had to move out of home, so I found an apartment and told them I was going and I just left. The time prior to that was marked by conflict resulting from difference of values and lifestyles. I was out late many nights and they were being woken by my return, no matter how quiet I was. One night my mum bolted the door so I couldn't get back in and when she heard me trying the door, she went to the window above and said "Go back to where you came from". Unfortunately having nowhere to go, but the house I had come from, I did go back, only to find myself in an unsafe predicament, which ended badly, all round.

I vow never to do that to my daughter, no matter how many times she wakes me up late at night. Young women need to be somewhere safe at night.

It takes a long time to forgive parents for the times when they have failed to protect and nurture as they should have. I am slowly getting better at this.

It has taken me a long time to realize all the times I have been unkind to myself and to slowly forgive myself for this. It has taken a long time for me to realize how much a part guilt has played in my life and just recently I have discovered that I don't need to allow this to continue any more.

I've been doing Tibetan meditation, breathing exercises and sound healing practices daily for the last two years and I'm finally starting to see improvements in my state of mind and thought processes.

It's very exciting.