Just Woke Up

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Originally uploaded by blhouston.

I feel a real connection with my son when he voices an inner thought which I keep to myself, but which surfaces every now and then, making me wonder if he can read my mind, or if it's not such a neurotic idea afterall, but one that we all have from time to time.

"What if I'm just dreaming, Mum?", he has been asking me of late. I reply with something like "Well it all feels pretty real to me, Sage. Who would you be if life is only a dream? Where would you be if you were really only dreaming?" he says something like he would be him, but just in his bed, dreaming it all up.

When I was little I had those annoying dreams at night that I was getting up and going to the toilet, only to wake moments later wet and cold, feeling tricked by my mind and body, that didn't seem to want to cooperate and get me out of the bed in time.

It was such a frequent event, and felt so real, that even years later, even during the middle of the day after consciously going about my daily activities for hours, sometimes I will pinch myself, or jump up and down on the toilet seat a bit, to make sure I'm not dreaming, before I let go of my bladder.

Then there are the moments usually when I'm in the middle of the most mundane of activities, like brushing my teeth, when I have to stop and think about what I'm doing, because it suddenly occurs to me how strange it feels to be brushing my teeth, and that in my 'real' state of existence, I wouldn't be doing such a thing. I'm left feeling like a stranger on a strange planet, who's doing time in some strange body, in some other reality, but that some day I'll be going home, to my real existence, when my time is done.

Or there are moments when again, in the midst of the most mundane activities, I'll have a strong feeling like it's all a dream and I'm little more than an observer, watching the events, that the real me is somewhere else, while my subconscious creates this life.